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Hain 'no immediate plans' to pay Labour 16,000 he owes

The prolonged failure by Parliament's Tango amnesiac, Peter Hain,to declare 103,000 of donations, has not only riled the ElectoralCommission. It has also nobbled the work of his own party.

Work and Pensions Secretary Hain originally declared that he hadbeen given 82,000 last summer to fight for Labour's deputyleadership.

He only revealed the other hundred grand of gifts afterquestioning.

Labour required all candidates in its leadership elections to pay15 per cent of their donations to party coffers. But Hain paid theLabour Party only 11,550 in September, appearing to have "forgotten"to pay the other 16,223.40. With cabinet colleagues and grassrootsactivists hardly queuing to support him, it does not seem the besttime to shortchange them.

Hain is not offering an immediate payment of the money owed. Hisspokesman says there is no timetable, but "Peter has agreed" tocough up in the end.

Time to pass around the cap again?

"He could raise the money through more donations," suggests anunfriendly Labour MP, "but then he would have to pay 15 per cent onthat. There could be no end in sight for Peter. He should put hishand in his own pocket. He's paid enough."

Some speculate that No 10 would not be disappointed if Hainbecame the first cabinet minister to resign to spend more time withhis sunbed, but this seems a most cumbersome time to lose one'sministerial salary.

Jonathan downs his crown for a woolly hat

Heaving bosoms and rumpy pumpy abound! The Tudors will return toour television sets this year, and it is pleasing to hear that HenryVIII will return invigorated from an Alpine break.

The thrusting young monarch, more commonly known as the actorJonathan Rhys Meyer, left, has just returned from the high- altituderesort of Chamonix. The 30-year-old enjoyed heavy snowfall and toldguests at a neighbouring chalet that he thoroughly enjoyed his firsttime on the piste. He also raved about a helicopter flight over theMont Blanc glaciers.

The second series of The Tudors is not for faint hearts, RhysMeyer promised. I hope I won't give away too much if I say that AnneBoleyn, played by the English actress Natalie Dormer, 25, isbeheaded by a French swordsman, while Henry tucks into aparticularly bloody royal swan. Peter O'Toole plays the Pope.

Diana plays the Feild

Jonny Wilkinson's turn at the Rugby World Cup only just attractedmore column inches than did his comely new companion, ShelleyJenkins. But what of his previous paramour, the M&S model-turned-Sky Sports News presenter Diana Stewart?

Ms Stewart, right, split from Wilko in 2005 and has sinceromanced the plate-faced Lilliputian presenter, Declan Donnelly, 32.She was recently spotted out in London "canoodling" with screentotty JJ Feild, the upcoming actor last seen puckering up to BilliePiper in the adaptation of Philip Pullman's The Ruby In the Smoke.Their spokesmen declined to comment.

Mr Feild is 6ft 1in.

More discord

The British composer Keith Burstein has persuaded Rabinder SinghQC of Matrix, the chambers also home to Cherie Blair, to representhis libel case against the Evening Standard at the European Court ofHuman Rights. Mr Burstein argued that the paper had unfairlysuggested that his opera featuring suicide bombers, ManifestDestiny, glorified terrorism.

The case has turned into an ugly posh version of the fight scenefrom West Side Story, with both sides shouting freedom ofexpression. Mr Burstein says his case was not fairly heard. TheStandard has thus far triumphed and the composer's decision to headfor Strasbourg adds to his hefty legal bill.

Gill's groovy wheels

Brushing his hair forward to cover his expanding forehead nolonger cuts it. So Adrian Gill has new yoof credentials to silencethose who accuse him of suffering a mid-life crisis. The scourge ofrestaurateurs has ditched his garish yellow Bentley and now proudlypootles around Chelsea in a black, boy racer Mini Cooper S. Wicked!He has kept the personal licence plate B4 AAG.

At least the fellow has his childcare duties to keep him young.Gill has two 10-month-old twins, the progeny of his girlfriendNicola Formby, the former model now said to be agitating for a ring.

Piers Morgan claimed in his memoirs that Formby once showed himnaked pictures of herself over lunch: "You could see everything, andthe poses were explicit," Morgan said. "Ms Formby sprawled here,legs akimbo there, thrusting her bottom everywhere. She obviouslythinks she's an absolute sex kitten, but I fear the mists of timehave taken their toll a little." All the same: enough to make theheart skip like you're 16 again!